Monday, June 18, 2012

No Reservations About Your Happiness

Living in limbo is a phrase I often use when describing where I am at in my life. I usually view this position of mine as frustrating or embarrassing, juggling two worlds- one in which I wish to live and the other in which I actually reside. Today I came to realize that limbo is not the worse place you can be provided you continue moving forward with plans for the future.
As I talked with coworkers today, I realized that most of us are in a transition phase of life; not many people can say they are working their ideal job or are making their ideal salary or are living out a perfect balance of work and play. We constantly find ourselves searching for something better. I often cringe as I say I work at a bank because everyone who knows me knows that I have a degree in English and would much rather spend my time working with words instead of handling cash. So I always feel pressured to add a "but I'm..." clause. "But I'm writing articles now." "But I'm focusing on my blog a lot more." "But I'm looking to get into publishing." But why do I feel the need to do this? I can't classify myself as miserably unhappy, I can't say that I hate the people I work with, I can't say I dread going to work. I feel bad making excuses for myself, but I've realized I'm not the only one who does it. We are all living between jobs, living between break ups, living between homes. We are all changing and transitioning. Maybe those aren't excuses I'm making, but merely the truth.
I find that I want people to know more about me. I want people to understand that I am working toward fulfillment. The more I realize this, the easier it is for me to see this happening with many of the people around me. People that are making their way through school as they pay the bills with the job they acquired outside their field. People who need to pay a mortgage and are looking to make their way up in a company. People who have found their passion, but can't quite acquire a career in it yet. We are all striving for something better, and admitting that we are working toward other goals isn't an excuse, it's the truth. I am proud to talk about writing and the ways in which my world has changed the past few months. Sometimes I do get down on myself for not having a job I'm in love with yet, but I understand that it will come in time. In the meantime, I let people know who I am outside of my work life because it is important to me that people understand I have many layers.
All of us have goals and desires and if you aren't in the right career or the right relationship or the right location, you will be as long as you pursue those things for which you long. The danger lies in becoming complacent. Once you start to become too set in your routine or lazy with continuing on your path, you endanger yourself and your future creative works. I'm not saying that a day or a week of doing nothing is detrimental, but when you get to the point when weeks, months, or years pass without attempting to take a step in the right direction, then you fail. You fail yourself in not allowing for your own growth- spiritual, emotional, mental, etc- and in turn you fail others by depriving them of those works of which the world is now void. We owe it to ourselves to pursue what makes us happy and to have no reservations about doing so.

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