I found a great quote on one of my favorite blogs that I'd like to share because not only is it pertinent to my situation, but I think almost anyone can benefit from it. It reads: “Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown
I haven't been true to my heart the last couple days. I have been walking along one of Mr. Frost's "roads not taken" while knowing it was the wrong one. The opportunity has not yet presented itself for me to walk down the one I wish to tread, so I started in the other direction. A week ago I thought this was the right direction, now I know it is not. I don't want to feel like a quitter as I turn around and head back the way I came from, but I can't see myself continuing. I have been asking so many people for their opinions and thoughts that I haven't allowed my heart to do the talking. I have known what the right option was from the minute I was presented with these opposite paths, but I let others do the thinking for me. I let others make the decisions even though I knew what my heart wanted.
It is often hard to do the right thing. I'm always reminded of The Fray lyrics "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." The job that I've been learning might be ideal in different circumstances- if benefits were present or it provided a calmer atmosphere and more subtle personalities, but I can't see myself staying here long. If I can't picture myself on this road today let alone in six months, then is it really worth pursuing? It reminds me that sometimes what we think is the best thing and what is actually good for us can be completely opposite. I was seeking creativity, fun, craziness and I found it. Turns out that's not what I really wanted or needed because once stability and a promising career entered the picture, my internal compass pointed right toward it. Now don't get me wrong, the job I'm training for is hard work with some aspects of fun, but I'm beginning to think I need that creativity outside of work. Maybe I try dance lessons or take zumba again, but being surrounded by it and being immersed in it are two separate beasts entirely. The management position of a studio intrigued me because the glitz and glamor of dance intrigued me, not being in charge of it.
I want to write, I know that's what I want. I want to be involved with words for the rest of my life. I started this blog to stay true to that passion and in my daily journals I continue to pursue it. I remind myself that I left my old job, moved to a different state, and started taking interest in myself for a reason. I came to this point in my life promising myself that I would not settle. So settling is exactly what I refuse to do.