Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Fighting off the Urge to Settle

I had things figured out for a little while- got a job, moved to a great apartment, met some awesome neighbors and new people, had time for myself. Now I'm back in that place I like to speak of often- the land of limbo. I knew my job would wear out its welcome fairly quickly, after all it was the same job I left behind in another state. After getting to know my new coworkers and a different customer base, I see that things are the same no matter where I am. My coworkers all have other career ambitions and wish to be elsewhere, and the customers just want their money. The goal I created in my head was to only be there for the summer and then find something else. I have been at this job almost two months and am ready to move on. It's finding the motivation to do so that I find challenging at the moment. 
I have actually been working more hours because everyone else has been on vacation. This is great for my paycheck, but after adjusting to my part time status and having multiple days off in a row, day five out of six has me pretty tired. I don't know how I used to do nine or ten day stretches when I was full time. What I really need is a structured schedule. I know most people can't stand the daily grind of nine to five, but I relish it. I want my weekends back, and I want my life back. I feel like I've just been coasting the past two years, but I am finally making strides in the right direction. I moved in March, I searched for a new job to no avail, but I made contacts. I've had more time for myself. I started this blog. I really have accomplished a lot in a short time, but I have to continue on that track or I will get stuck once again, just in another state. 
I have found that I am the master of acquiring jobs that I don't want. When I moved here in March, I had a job offer the second week from a man I didn't trust and a company for which I didn't want to work. In April, I got a job at another company, but the people and environment proved to not be conducive to my career and personal growth. Here I am back at the same company from which I ran, obtaining that job within a half hour of my interview. The latest achievement in that category came last week. I was contacted by a recruiter from a different bank about a position that would mean more money, more hours, more responsibility and unfortunately more travel. They offered me the job the day after I interviewed; however, I had already decided that I didn't want it. All of the financial institutions are the same, and I know I want to leave the industry, so why job hop around to different banks while I figure out my life? I'm staying with the job that I know, in a place where I feel comfortable, until I can make the leap into my actual field of study. 
Finding the drive to go after what you want isn't always easy. Trust me, I know. Now I am struggling with that feeling of settling again, and I hate it. I don't want to drag my feet every day on my way to work because my job doesn't inspire me. I want to be in a place where my talents are put to use and recognized. I can learn any job, but I want a career where I can thrive instead of remain stagnant. I have done what I needed to in order to pay the bills for the last two years. I have worked my way up in a field that I now understand I can not stay in for much longer. I have revised my resume yet again and have received notifications solely about jobs in the field that I'm currently in. It's hard to change directions when your experience is primarily in one area. I now have to sell myself with my education and my extracurricular activities, such as writing this blog. I hope to make some big changes soon. I should say, it's imperative that I do.

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