Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Crazymakers in Unexpected Places

Something has come to my attention lately that has been weighing on my mind. It seems as if now that I have figured out the relationship aspect of my life, I am surrounded by people who view relationships and the opposite sex in a solely negative view. I am reminded of Julia Cameron's use of the word "crazymaker," which is someone who only brings up negativity, keeps our spirits down, discourages us from accomplishing our goals, and deters us from succeeding. But it's funny because I would never have labeled these people as crazymakers until this point; they had always been my creative champions. I just grapple with why they would try to dissuade me from my decisions and wrestle me away from love. 
The topic of significant others' betrayal pops up unwarranted all the time now- divorces, ex-boyfriends, messy relationships. It's as if now that I've found happiness, it's being challenged by the real world examples of relationships not working out. I can't say that I don't understand where they are coming from. Believe me, I've been there- bashing the guy who cheats, crying on my bedroom floor due to heartache, seeing someone who has hurt you on a daily basis. I get it, I really do. But what I think makes a huge difference is how you handle it and in what company. I would talk about past heartache with friends I could trust, but I never tried to bash love or relationships. I never put down their boyfriends. I never made them feel terrible about being romantically linked to someone else while I was miserable. I never made them doubt that they should be happy with the love they had (at least, I seriously hope I didn't). 
Now that I am on the other side, it's tough to hear the criticism and the cynicism. I stay quiet in my corner as people assure me that they don't mean to scare me. I doubt my relationship despite knowing that I am happy. I wonder how long we'll last as everyone in my life seems to pepper me with awful stories and terrible outcomes. I feel as if they're all giving me the not so subtle warning "This could happen to you." It's just disappointing that I have helped other people through their struggles and have supported their relationships, whether or not I thought they would work out. And now when I am at the point where I could use reassurance and reinforcement, I'm met with a wall of resistance and resentment. It's unnerving and frankly it's heartbreaking. While I know that I don't need anyone else to justify my choices, it doesn't help when people are kicking down all the ideals for which I have been striving and am finally achieving.
All of this just puts me in a bad mood after I was beginning to feel happy and live with a positive attitude. Again, I shouldn't let the opinions of others affect my mood and the way I live my life, but it's often difficult to ignore the opinions of those people with whom you have chosen to surround yourself. Like it or not, their thoughts and words leak into your consciousness. Warranted or not, they sneak through those barriers you may have in place. I know that I am lucky and happy to be where I am. I shouldn't let the opinions or critiques of others dictate the way I feel about my own life. That's not fair. What's right for one person isn't necessarily good for another. What one person believes may not be your belief. 
I guess my message for today is don't let others persuade you to be anything other than yourself. The people you trust, the people who are your friends, should accept you for who you are. This includes accepting your decisions whether they agree or not (obviously provided they aren't dangerous or life threatening). I realize that my move to another state took me away from friends who care about me, but I'm not dead, I'm only three hours away. I didn't move to hurt anyone, I wasn't forced to vacate the life I lived. I made a choice. I chose to move for love, and was that the easiest decision to make? No, it wasn't, and I didn't make the decision without serious thought. But I survived the transition and I'm here to stay. Now is when I really need the support of my friends whatever the outcome and despite what they may believe. Surrounding me with negativity will only make me push farther away. Sometimes being supportive means not sharing all of your opinions, but just being there. Just be there.

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