Monday, November 21, 2016

Rock Bottom

ROCK BOTTOM. Last week I hit it- rock bottom. It was the combination of preparation for my sister's wedding, the subsequent stomach bug I caught that laid me out for a week after the wedding, and the infamous call from a hoped for employer-to-be telling me that unfortunately I did not get the job. This whirlwind of events sent me spiraling into a week filled only with Gilmore Girls and sorrow. And no, I do not assimilate the two together usually.
It is hard continuing on the path when you keep having obstacles thrown in your face. I really thought I would get this job for which I had been interviewing. I had had two interviews (always a good sign) and I seemed to really click with the people I had met. The office was very positive and the salary was the same as my old job. Everything seemed perfect. So perfect that my husband and I put all our eggs in one basket and went around blindly hopeful for a week until I got the dreaded call while I was in the throws of sickness on my couch.
So pick myself up I shall and send myself back onto more cover letter writing and resume polishing. I keep praying for signs, for guidance, for some kind of intuition that I am on the right path. I quit my job for a reason. I was miserable, the atmosphere was less than stellar, I was yelled at on a daily basis by our customers. All good reasons. I felt that at 28 years old, I was sitting in an office waiting for my life to start and the only person who could change that was me. So when I was confronted with these facts, I tendered my resignation. Life is too short to be miserable. I keep reminding myself that I've only been out of work technically for a little over a month, which in the grand scheme of things is not long. I need to keep trying and keep pushing myself.
The problem is I let myself get into these moods and allow the negativity to sink its teeth into me. I let the what ifs start to cloud my judgement, and I start telling myself I'm not good enough. I know that I need to spin my experiences to the positive side. I've had multiple interviews, sent out dozens of applications, and have secured a part time position at the local library. People are willing to talk with me, meet with me, even give me second interviews. This all tells me that I can do it, I am worth it, I just need to find someone willing to take a chance on me. I need to find someone willing to see my potential and help me find my new start.
I want so much from this life. I want to be better with my writing. My lofty ambition is to write a novel. I want to find a career not just a job. I want to help people. I want to raise a family. All these things sound simple but they're not. They take dedication, they take hard work and they take sacrifice. And none of these can be done while lying on the couch. So I have no choice but to pick myself back up, dust myself off, and try, try, try again.

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