Thursday, October 27, 2016

AM Musings

What are we doing here? What does it all mean? I find myself at the kitchen table this morning asking myself these questions. I've been staring at my bedroom ceiling since 5 AM trying to find meaning in the last month. The ramifications of my decision to quit my job have come down on me quite hard lately. In a moment of weakness/as a favor to my husband, I even asked my boss if I could have my old job back part time, but she has decided not to hire anyone now. As I sobbed into my pillow, I wondered why I thought it was such a good idea to give up my financial stability. Then I remembered one word: happiness.
Did I think I could be happy? Did I really think I could find this elusive concept in a new job? Yes, I did and deep down I know that I still do. The real world seems to be coming at me fast, crushing me up into this ball of unemployed misery. I know this is when I have to fight.
So, real talk: I have secured a part time job, as in only a few days a months, at my local library. Going down this track has led me to the conclusion that I most likely have to go back to school for my master's degree if I want to make a career in library science and/or education. I have been on several interviews in the past month, many in the industry from whence I came; however, an interview is an interview, right? I have an interview at a university on Monday for a part time position in which I would be making decent money were I to get the job.
These are all positives, right? The universe is still pummeling me with signs. For instance, yesterday I went outside for a walk, which my body has been yelling at me to do all week, and I ran into my neighbor at the exact same time. She knew I was usually at work at that time, so she asked how I was. I explained that I had quit my job. We got on the topic of employment and she is a substitute teacher at the school in town. It was something I had thought about looking into myself. Universe, screaming!
I know I need to continue to trust the process and have faith in myself, but in a world where money talks and student loans are an eternal ball and chain, it can be easy to lose focus.

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